How to Survive St Patrick’s Day

It’s that time of year.  The one day on or about the 17th of March, where the city goes crazy. 

Where the number of people wearing green multiples exponentially.  (And this number is already high due to the large number of Notre Dame fans and graduates that seem to populate this city.) 

Where the citizens get up early in (what is supposed to be) winter weather, and spending a full day celebrating their pretend “Irishness” (as evidenced by the large number of girls wearing stickers proclaiming them “Honorary Irish” and “Irish for a Day”).

Even the city itself gets in the act.  Dyeing the (already a slightly disgusting tint of green) river Green. 

Here are my 5 tips for surviving St. Paddy’s Day

  1. Timing.  You have to go early.  The drinking peaks around 3 and if you are just getting started, you have to tolerate the large number of wasted people.  Or go late.  The bars and restaurants are empty by 8. 
  2. Green Beer.  Just drink it.  Even if you don’t like beer (much less cheap beer), accept that this is the one day a year where everyone regresses to their college years and drinks NatyIce.
  3. Food.  Eat it.  The greasier the better.  One of the wonderful things St. Patrick contributed to the world is free calories on the day spent in his honor.  And you need it, to keep down the disgusting green beer. 
  4. Have a plan.  The large number of parades in the city might mean that you are walking down the street and suddenly find yourself stuck.  Unable to go forward due to the random parade in front of you and unable to go backwards due to the large crowds of people who followed you thinking you knew where you were going. 
  5. Supplies.  Your clothing must be green.  Wearing green shamrock beads or a green boa doesn’t count.  You will still get pinched.  Also, the girls seem to have a competition to see whose green clothing looks the slutiest.  Take my word that this is entirely optional and not recommended.  Especially the tall heels.  Around 1, the girls start hobbling around in bare fee.  And I asked a cab driver if he was prepared for St. Patrick’s Day and he responded by holding up a collection of puke bags.  (So if you think you might be someone who needs them, I recommend looking up this caby)  In fact, it could be useful to carry a few in your handbag if you have a fear that someone will vomit on you.  This happens.  Be prepared.  And remember to pity the girls who are walking around in the vomit in bare feet.

Bonus Tip:  Know when to go home.  Last year, I saw a number of yuppies pretending to be homeless for a day (instead of the expected Irish for the day) and sleeping in doorways.  Not recommended.  And someone might get mad at you for stealing their sleeping spot. 

Good luck out there!

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