It was supposed to be the Waterview Tower at the corner of Wacker and Clark. Plans called for it to be the 5th tallest building in Chicago and to feature a five-star Shangri-La Hotel, rooftop garden, luxury condominiums, and penthouse residences. Instead, the only residents are mice, pigeons and the occasional homeless man I see peeking out from behind the fence.
The city really should do something about it – this one has looked exactly the same since 2009. (Well, that’s not entirely true … in 2010 they took down the crane. And in 2012 they added the blue banners above the sidewalk. Such big improvements!) Anyway, I have a couple of suggestions for the city of Chicago.
1. Allow Hollywood to blow it up. Perhaps for the new Ironman movie? Tony Stark could have a problem with his super-suit and crash-land into the middle of the building causing it to pancake down on him. When suddenly, in a burst of light, he shoots straight up from the rubble and continues his flight like nothing happened.
2. Turn it into the world’s biggest water slide. I don’t have any idea how to do this but it would be seriously cool! And the Chicago river is right across the street so there has to be some way to make it work. Or a high dive into the chicago river. This might be a bad idea since the building is separated from the river by 8 lane Wacker Drive.
3. Decorate it like it was Halloween. I think it would be really creepy to see big spider webs hanging from the concrete pillars. And flashing lights from deep inside the building. Finish it off with fake screams and ghost noises. Hire it out for parties and tours.
4. Golf cart races and jumps. But instead of on a golf course, use the multiple empty floors.
5. World’s largest urban paint ball course. Self explanatory and totally awesome!
6. Concrete wall climbing (the urban equivalent to mountain rock climbing).
7. Base jumping
8. Watermelon seed spitting contest from the top floor.
9. Real life jenga.
10. Occupy it. This is clearly a sign of the financial crisis. So they should occupy it. They were looking for housing for the Nato summit earlier this month – why didn’t anyone offer this as a camp site? Think the skyscrappers in Caracas, Venezuela that have become home to squatters…
Or perhaps the best idea of all … Finish the building, Chicago!!!!