When Did Google Start Reading My Thoughts?

It started innocently enough.  I wanted to search “How do I find my IP address on a MAC.”  I always phrase my search requests as a question.  Because I feel like it’s more polite than saying “IP address Mac.” 

Usually I don’t pay any attention to Google’s suggestions.  Because I’m smarter than Google.  And I always think that my requests are unique so of course the suggestion isn’t going to apply to me.  But this time it caught my eye. 

Yep, Google apparently thinks I want to know about how I got Pink Eye, Whether or not I think I’m pregnant, and the area of a circle. 

I thought that google applied past searches to your current searches in an attempt to “make my life easier.”  But I know that I have never searched for pink eye, I already know the area of a circle and I’m not pregnant (unless, the God’s at Google know something that I don’t know in which case I am going to be a medical marvel.)  Also, Google, I am ashamed of your grammar difficulties.  Everyone knows it should be “you’re.”

Anyway, maybe Google is just messing with me.  And so I tried again …

Yes, apparently Google thinks I might want to know why my poop is green. 

A. Is that even possible?
B. Why are so many people in the world searching for green poop that it is option #4?  I suppose it could be worse, it could be option #1. 
C.  And, seriously, someone wants to know why MySpace failed?  Did they ever use it?  Because if they did, then they know why it failed.  And if they didn’t, then that should be a BIG hint to why it failed!  (Do today’s teenagers even know what MySpace was?)

My opinion is that Facebook IPO will cause the world to end and we will all die.  Oh wait, that already happened.  And I’m not dead.  Or at least I don’t think I’m dead.  OMG maybe we are all dead and we don’t even know it!

Does anyone else find it funny that men falling in love is in the same category of men who cheat?  Apparently, there is no middle ground. 

So now I’m totally in to this game and I’m trying to find the funniest results.  Like this one. 

Where is Chuck Norris?  Probably hiding from all of the Chuck Norris jokes!  (And if you haven’t already, read about the time My Dad Fought Chuck Norris.)

Apparently a lot people want to know if you can marry your first cousin, and if not the first, what about the second?  It’s also a good fit that these are the same people that make moonshine. 

There must be some sort of connection between being single and not losing weight.   

You either want to know about weather or the iPhone.  That makes sense. 

And finally:

Google told me it is either a God or Evil.  Depending on your point of view and I suppose whether or not you tend to believe conspiracy theories.

But the point I would like to make is that I never did find out how to find my IP address.

****Update****

According to Keith, if you google “Barack Obama is” you would get “Barack Obama is literally satan.”  It didn’t work for me but maybe it will work for you.

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