How to Know When He is Not “The One”

Ever look back at an ex-boyfriend and wonder if maybe you were drunk for the entire relationship?  Admit it, we’ve all been there.  And everyone should know that getting back with an ex is like taking a shower then putting your dirty underwear back on. 

It doesn’t mean that sometimes you aren’t tempted to wonder what might have been.  Or if maybe you can still be friends.  But trying to still be friends with an ex is a little like a kidnapper telling you to stay in touch. 

My baby sister had a mini-meltdown last week.  You see, she broke up with this guy over a year ago and is suddenly seeing him all over town.  She even had another acquaintance tell her that her ex was “Going Places.” 

(I wish he were going places … straight to h*** would be a great option.)

But I digress.  Middle sister used her authoritative voice and told baby sister that she “Needed to dig REAL deep and find your self-respect.” 

And a coworker told her that she was letting her ex “Live rent free in her brain.”

So perhaps we all need a refresher on how to know when he is not “The One.”   So from family experience, I give you seven hints that he isn’t quite right for you. 

1.  He is gay. 

Seriously.  We even confirmed with our gay friends.  (Theatre and music majors might be a good hint.  Also, not wanting to hold hands and sit on the same side of the couch are other good clues.)

2.  He leaves you in a Wal-Mart Parking lot.

My first dating experience ended when he left me in the Wal-Mart parking lot after Prom.  My parents had to come pick me up.  It wasn’t his fault, his stepmother was crazy.  But you don’t recover from being left at Wal-Mart.  

3.  Different place in life.

My only other relationship was with a guy who didn’t graduate high school.  Then he told me that he got into a vet school in Arizona and he was leaving and I got excited for him.  Because, you know, he was actually following one of his dreams?  Then he told me he made it up just to see if I would ask him to stay.  Apparently I failed the test so I broke up with him.  I never really cared for tests. 

4.  He moves half way across the country. 

My sister tried out a guy who halfway through their relationship moved to CA.  He came back for a week, spent lots of time with my sister, then decided to call it off as she was driving him two hours back to the airport for his flight home.  This sister is a saint.  I would have stopped on the side of the road and “nicely” suggested he walk the rest of the way. 

5.  He’s the best friend of #4.

This guy had a panic attack when things appeared to be getting serious.  But a few months later he changed his mind and decided my sister was “The One.”  Then he dedicated all of his energy to getting her back.  Right down to suggesting marriage about a week after they started talking again.  Now she has the enviable position of always being “The One That Got Away.”

6.  He leaves you for your best friend.

Trust me, neither relationship recovers from this either.  Even if it is just high school.  I think they are married now.  So apparently it worked out.  Baby sister escaped an idiot who is probably part of a cult (Kinda true, btw) and they found, um, love? 

7.  He asks you out after you turn him down for a loan.

Granted, this might only happen when you work at a bank.  But now you know EVERYTHING about him.  Including why he got rejected.  Maybe not the smartest idea … but it’s always nice to get asked out.  A little bump to your self-esteem. 

Fortunately, I found Keith at the end of my freshman year.  And I am keeping him forever.  And ever.  Because there is no way I am ever going to get back in that crazy dating world again. 

But best of luck to all the girls that have yet to find their “Keith.” I have the highest of hopes for you!

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