Tips for a Successful Marriage

You know, now that I’ve been married for a while, I feel like I have sufficient experience to talk about successful marriages.  Of course, we should probably revisit this conversation in ten, thirty, and sixty years. 

Unless of course, the world ends on December 21, 2012.  Then it won’t matter (still holding out hope!) and I can still consider myself an expert. 

1.  Spend time together.  Even if it’s sitting on the couch watching the same show.  Or (horrors) football.  I feel like Captain Smarts (aka the husband, just trying out a new nickname) gets the better end of the bargain.  I don’t make him watch Dancing with the Stars but he still makes me watch football.  I’m not sure that’s fair.

2.  Which reminds me, life isn’t fair.  I think this may have been my Dad’s favorite quote (Either that or, “What’s the national bird of Iraq? Duck!”).  We don’t keep score.  I have more time than Captain Smarts so I’m ok with working on the laundry and cleaning the dishes (as long as he folds the socks.  This is why the best plan is to have only one type of sock.  Then you can just through them all in a drawer and they all match!).  I do keep score on who has to get up to let the dog out on a weekend morning. But that doesn’t count. 

3.  Spend time apart.  Captain Smarts (how are we feeling about this nickname?) is working on his MBA.  Which means I have two nights a week to do whatever I want!  I can rearrange the furniture.  Or spend quality time with my sister and friends.  I don’t have to worry about rushing home. 

4.  Sit next to each other.  Even if you have to build a double wheelchair. 

5.  Go out on dates.  Even if you have to make up a reason.  Last friday, we went out to dinner to celebrate the fact that Captain Smarts answered a math question. 

6.  Spend time with family. 

7.  Don’t go to bed angry.  Because then you wake up in the middle of the night still angry and you wake up your significant other to finish the fight at 2 AM.  And then neither of you get any sleep. 

8.  The wife is always right. Even when she’s wrong, tell her that she’s right.  Also, don’t EVER answer the question, “Do I look fat in these jeans?” 

9.  Fix something together.  Or if neither of you are particularly handy, recognize your limitations and hire someone to fix it for you.  Then sit down with a drink to watch while the handy man fixes the problem.  Offering suggestions to said handy man adds an extra element of entertainment. 

10.  Don’t forget to laugh.  Most couples spend the majority of their time talking logistics: what is the dog’s social schedule this week (don’t judge), where should we go to dinner, what needs to be fixed now …  A relationship can’t survive on logistics. Have a food fight instead.  Or get a dog.  Dog’s are good for laughs.  Especially when the dog is an idiot and has an underbite.

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