I was just handed a bracket for the 2013 NCAA Tournament.
By now, you should all recognize that sports really aren’t my thing. I was a bad player (my high school volleyball team may have gently suggested that I try a different activity). I’m only a quasi-decent fan of the Notre Dame Football team. And that’s mostly because I love to tailgate. So it’s no surprise that I was at a complete loss for how to fill out a whole bracket.
Why would I know the chances that Gonzaga (the who’s from where?) would beat LIU-Brk/ Jms Mad (is that even enough letters to make a word?) if they were to play in the 2nd to last game?
It makes sense that last year I made my picks based on whose name I liked more. But that’s pretty dull. And it was hard to decide between Mexico and Mexico State. They are almost the exact same. I also considered picking by whose name was the shortest. Last year this strategy would have ended in a tie if I remember correctly … I don’t know a whole lot about tournaments but I’m pretty sure that ties are not part of the deal.
This year I’ve decided to do a little more research before I make my picks.
It’s either going to be color vs. color or mascot vs. mascot.
First I started on colors listed by favorites. But three teams in, I already had the Black and Golds playing the Red and Blacks. And the Royal Blue and Whites playing the regular Blue and Whites. I mean seriously, this doesn’t make any sense! (Although for the record, I totally think the Royal Blue and Whites would win over the regular Blue and Whites. I mean, seriously, it’s ROYAL. Royalty wins.)
And then, if I filled it out right, I could have the Royal Blue and Whites playing the Royal Purple and White. And that just sounds like a boring matchup.
So I abandoned the color project and moved on to mascots. But I had no idea that there were so many schools with no originality. There are 64 teams selected for the tournament. But there are 4 teams with tiger mascots, 4 teams with wildcats, 3 teams with some variation of wolves, 3 teams with bulldogs (nice try, Hoyas) and (according to Google anyway) two teams with Pistol Petes.
Then there are 12 teams total with big cats as their mascots. And I’m just not a good enough judge to know who would win in a matchup between a jaguar and a panther. Then we get to the canines of wolves vs. wolfpack vs. great danes. (But I’d pick a wolfpack, because, well, pack makes me think of a bunch of wolves working together. Sad for the great danes …) And what about gophers vs. badgers? I don’t have an answer for that one either!
Then we get down into the birds. Cardinals, Jayhawks, Eagles and Owls … and I can’t believe that an owl would win in a fight between a wildcat. So now it’s just unfair.
And this doesn’t even mention the fantasy mascots like Billikens and Leprechans. Or objects like Sooners, Hilltoppers, Cyclones, Hurricanes and Orange)
So a “who would win in a battle to the death” method of picking is probably out.
The only final option I can think of is to assume that mascots live in a happy world with no fighting or death. Thus all mascots have an equal chance of living. And I’m going to pick based on cuteness. (Although I still didn’t really solve the problem of which is cuter – a wildcat or a wildcat. I guess I am going to have to base my final decision on which has the best picture on google. Which is hard)
So we have the final bracket. With the final game coming down to the Zips vs. the Badgers. (Although, I’m definitely a sucker for an under-bite which gave almost all of the bulldogs a fighting chance.)